Good morning! A definitely better morning than the last few, hence starting with a post again. I have decided to write briefly, just to capture the thought, than to journal a lengthy post or purposefully write free-flow, unless there was a a particular experience I needed to write. My present state of mind is much more alert with clarity than the past few weeks, and it is mainly due to just merely starting to get back to my usual routine, which I now know I live by. I am feeling good today, happier state, more put-together, despite not sleeping the desired 7.5 hours a night. I believe it is not just to do with the routine but how I felt before sleeping and how I slept! Last night I went to sleep happy after having a rich and meaningful convo and learning from my new-found fellow yogi friend :0)) Just by going back to my set prescribed routine which begins with a sleep hygiene routine and preparing for the next day really changes and lightens my state of mind. The usual “night before” has me beginning to prepare the night at around 9-9.30pm getting together my yoga gear, preparing my breakfast, snack (and/or lunch) and packing my bag for work – but in the stay-home era now I have not done either, so it is general tidying up of my homemade items before retiring to the bedroom. The usual sleep hygiene routine begins unwinding at 9.30pm, showering, dimming lights, infusing essential oils, quietening down the room with silence or soft music, ensuring all messages are replied, and ideally (depending on mood), all electronics put away by 10.30pm, kindle in hand, and bed and night prayer by 11pm. This is the optimum. When I am excited by the latest find, I am still on my iPad watching YouTube videos in bed, which I try to do whilst washing up or hanging laundry – and I’ve found that ideal, albeit slowing me down from my usual speed ;). So, the optimum is optimal for me, tried and tested, to completely indulge in another world with a spiritual read on my kindle from 10.30pm-11pm and sleep til the morning, rising between 6.30-7am. With that, I get the best state of mind feeling in the morning, because, I love mornings! I love the morning light, the bright sunshine, the calmness and the me-time, walking the dog early in the crisp air when it is quiet, sitting down to reflect in morning prayer when it is not yet time to work, starting breakfast with the aroma of fresh coffee, and delecting in a my favourite meal of the day, which I prepare daily….breakfast!
Category: Musings
3rd week of Advent
Already the 3rd week of Advent?! Alas, yes. Back to reality, and where reality has hit, and more significantly, where I have accepted reality, by letting reality “be” reality. Enter back in intentionality, living in the present moment, mindfully. How? By healing first. Healing the mental mind, the physical body, giving it back what it deserved, putting away the over-worked brain and abolished physiological system. It came about unideally by literally running out of time, prioritising the overdue must-dos and trying to do it whilst travelling. I have found this to be unconducive, and do not travel well whilst working. After they were completed by force, the mind became slightly more relaxed in terms of tasks completed, however it took a week to “recover” doing some left-over tasks on the holiday too, which resulted in not being completely at ease. I have learnt this for the first time on this trip, however as tasks are not mentally taxing it was more a nuisance than anything, but did prevent me from my usual soaking in of pleasant holiday surroundings. Fast forward and amongst all of that was ironically rushing an Advent Reflection (week 1 plus week 2 combined too as it was past!) and hey that does not sound like what the Advent season is meant to be about too! Finally. After a week of working (work + personal tasks) on the holiday, I have ended up reset and mentally and physically refreshed to start over! There’s the backlog of social circle and personal development and growth that has been neglected, however, there is much to be learnt through this very experience, and do I unravel it, or do I pause, reflect and move on?
Super ironic huh that this is happening during Advent, the time to take stock of the year, reflect, contemplate peacefully and anticipate Our Saviour. And this is even after unmaterialising and unconsuming Christmas for a few years now. It shows how different it is from season to season, with what is brewing in our hearts and souls, and how close and open our hearts and souls have been toward God this year, even if I had been excited in anticipation of Advent this year after revelations in the LRBM retreat. The distraction by the world was way too easy than clinging onto what is above, unseen and eternal – faith was weak, flesh was weak too.
There were definitely pockets of peace in all this, and much a plenty to have gratitude for, with the abundances of graces, recognised always afterward on hind sight and here comes a wee reminder for me to do my daily examen again. Perhaps it was the guilt that was more overwhelming of my own behaviour that has been suboptimal, blaming dryness in prayer – did I even try hard enough after the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Healing? And on Penitentiary Service this Advent, I knew I was going to miss this, and had thought of going for confession at SMOTA before heading to Europe, but no surprise, yet again was something I had in my mind but did not accomplish before leaving! Where were my priorities?! It has also started to disturb me that I’ve not prepared anything in terms of outreach for the poor and needy too this season. Maybe there will be an opportunity later, and in the meantime I pray that I can give of myself more in an attentive outreach to others.
So in being able to slow down much more easily in the western northern hemisphere, I have much gratitude for 2 obvious things that occurred by the grace of God: 1) confession with an old, very sweet, warm, merciful Italian priest in the Duomo in Parma (sudden) 2) attending Sunday Mass being very near our hotel in Bologna though we woke up late and right in front where we chose to sat was one single piece of the liturgy pamphlet for the day to follow. There are 2 more things I have so much gratitude for and they are the safety walking in the slippery icy slopes and that being in the UK and Italy time has slowed by half – after 2 days past, it felt like 4 or more, and after a week past, it felt like a fortnight! It is obvious now I will be recollective and spend time to reflect now I have a clear mental state and capacity to do so. In that, I am also most grateful for this state of mind to be able to do this! Gratitude journalling with reflections may come more naturally, and this is the first time doing it from my laptop instead of my phone.
I take from this year, something to learn for the next, when challenges fall wayward, and that is what a dear friend said to me, when trouble started to happen this year: “when times are challenging, pray double”
To move forward, a reminder from an infographic received for 3 things to say No to during Advent:
- Overcommitting – by spending part of the weekend in nature, we can give ourselves time and space to connect meaningfully with our loved ones and to give thanks to Christ who came to save us
- Perfection – instead of placing so much emphasis on coming up with gifts that look very professional, saying now to perfectionism leads us to a simpler, more restful Advent
- Excessive spending – less time spent shopping the crowded malls and fussing over fancy gifts means more time spent quietly at home. Try giving presence over presents
Rejoice in the Lord always – 3rd Sunday of Advent
Got this reflection to remind us:
God our Father, we thank you for the gift of your Son, Jesus, who is the best gift you have given to us. Your care Father, is vividly shown through Jesus. Help us to prepare ourselves well to receive him with grateful hearts. It is easy to lose sight of the true meaning of what we are celebrating but with your grace, may our wait be fruitful as you have promised. God our Father, you have showed us that they only way to experience authentic joy is in, through and with you. Grant us vision and patience amidst our trials so as not to miss your words of comfort. May we also be angels of light during this season to those in darkness by sharing your love and mercy. Forgive us Lord and grant us the grace to truly experience the authentic joy this Christmas as we lay our dreams and our hurts at your feet. Amen.
My reflection
The theme of joy has been so prevalent working up to the 3rd week of Advent and I believe this has culminated wonderfully (in awe of God again!) in peace and freedom experienced at this very moment! It is only God’s perfect timing and perfect plan. The Italian confessor in Duomo di Parma (whom I think said) God knows our poverty and when we respond to Him he is happy and full of joy to welcome us back with warm hugs cos he loves us, and the celebrant in Parrochia di San Giovanni Battista in Bologna where he said our joy will be complete in God. He spoke about joy so many times and the part understood was the testimonies we should talk about, to spread the joy of the Gospel. For me, this resounds greatly, to go back to this, as then this life is not about ourselves anymore, but the Christ who lives in us. I pray for much deeper humility, meekness, prudence in all I think, say, do and to be less vocal, and more assertive in my actions than my words. I have felt Jesus, Our Lady, and our Saints to be stronger in my intercession lately, helping me along in my prayer life. Thanks be to God.
NCC - do you see the Lord providing indirect answers in your community and do you rejoice to see the Lord's hand in the community's struggles?
I would say yes, he has worked in our community gradually, some of us have heard and answered his call to help us make changes that have been brought forward now into the season of Advent and more importantly, it is a grace to recognise that God’s hand is working in our NCC struggles, and that we continue to make this an enriching NCC to support our community as actively as possible, amidst life’s usual challenges that come our way.
“Who even at night directs my heart”
He knows me before I know myself. He spoke to my heart. Learnt how to unpack the power of Visio Divina with community.
My soul, give praise to the Lord
Psalm 118:18
5th week of Easter revelations!!
Following a dramatically different Easter experience I am usually used to, decidingly not to journal unless I’ve received a message that is strong and in this case almost blatantly in-my-face again – here I go! It was much needed after a “powerfully-overbearing” week that I only coped with with His grace.
Mass presided by Fr Esmond was beautiful today!
The 2nd reading on Apocalypse came to life for 2 reasons! After completing studying The Book of Revelation, the words in 21:1-5 are so impactful and meaningful knowing that the “new commandment” is “new” in the sense of a brand new way to love 💕proclaimed in the liturgy today.
Secondly, the very moment during the Our Father we sung “For the Kingdom, the glory and the power are yours” an immense bright light blasted through the parish windows directly toward the altar and shiningly lit up the church til the end of the mass. Fr Esmond sung the first part of the Eucharistic prayer in angelic voice, and the Santus prayer came alive again as I imagined the angels next to Jesus praising “Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts……” significant, as again it is in Rev 4:8.
_The first line is the hymn of the seraphim in Isaiah 6:3 and Revelation 4:8. The second part is what the crowd cried to Jesus at his triumphal entry into Jerusalem (Mt 21:9), which is modelled after Psalm 118:25_
At the same time a few other good revelations dawned upon me … 🙌
I was so happy and blessed that the water of life of Easter and reminder of our baptism was sprinkled over me 3 times by Fr Esmond. And the communion hymn was “As I have done for you”. Both of these I had missed in previous masses so I was elated to experience this. 3rdly I saw Clare and hubby carrying their newborn in mass and I think I only saw them a week prior pregnant!! For the thanksgiving hymn I turned the hymnal which went to the precise page before “The Joyful Eastertide” no. 180 was even announced!
I am reset once again back to routine after feeling bleah despite a blessed time in the end in Bangkok after many years going on a completely sudden business trip overseas having only being informed to book and fly to it the night before. I travelled 2000+ km to meet a group of 3 lady Christians to stay in touch with in a 95% male dominated conference and one of whom was a fellow Catholic who also owns a dog, stays in the next block in the same condo who also goes to SMOTA!! Praise be to God indeed. In unexpected revelations this Easter.
And here is Fr Esmond’s homily 15/5/19:
Apocalypse often misunderstood and misquoted by Hollywood as book of the future.
Events have already happened and still happening cos of JC.
John’s new vision is not of future but as above. Hard to comprehend world of no death no sadness cos of news and our families.
John was not talking about worldly positive thinking cos that is to convince yourself but to see through the eyes of faith
So must keep focus on God and God alone. To see hope and life. To have grace and courage to move through our hardship. Christian uds of Hope is faithfulness through his promises that he loves us and never leaves us
God has made a home among us – second reading. Even in our hardship that is hope with God in us
Even in death there is hope and life cos God who is faithful cos those who believe in him never see death
And we must See life, cos God with us turns hardship in growth for patience and humility etc.
Don’t run away from hardship thinking it is bad for us
Cross is an opportunity for God’s love to be revealed
Growth in our virtue. Love. Forgiveness . Perseverance
Our rls with God grows too. Cos we need God
Cos of Hollywood we Avoid hardship then we get tired running away from suffering be prepared to run the rest of our life.
Each of us must face hardship in life
Are we superheroes no lah we need God to help us only God can guide us through to grow from hardship
When we allow faith to see hope and life then we have courage to respond with love
See and believe God is faithful. Courage and nothing to fear even in persecution
God gives us a new commandment to love – Not new as in novel But new in the way of loving.
Jesus’ call to love is unconditional and opens us in vulnerability
We take his love for granted but he still loves us
We go beyond our boundaries to set ourselves from the world by the way we love
Even if have been taken advantage of , we risk our life for Jesus cos He will turn these sufferings into blessings.
When we love unconditionally, it is a way to evangelise
The kingdom of God is here and now.
Keep God in us in our hardship. Grow to go through this and help others see this same vision for themselves too.
Listen!
3 days after my appraisal and receiving the last milestone messages I met a client and the conversation ended up being more about my life 😁!
The classic controls you can put over your life with:
- Minimalism
- Cutting out alcohol
- Reading
- Listening to the others’ needs, not imposing yours
- Just sitting back and being there
- Asking together what do you want now, not in the future
- Making all decisions together
Then 5 days after that, the Deutero-Isaiah Suffering Servant readings kicked off Holy Week (same week Notre Dame Cathedral caught fire) and it really does impact you more when you’ve done a study.
Isaiah 50:4-9
Who thinks he has a case against me? Let him approach me
- Identification of –where– I need to transform, not to be converted and transformed before entering into Easter
- So this “where” is self-awareness of actions & consequences on others & listening from the double lesson learned from work advice and in life
- Resolutions include reading through all my notes, silent retreat perhaps Chiang Mai as Alvin is interested. Going back to applying all the simplifying basics
May I discern this Holy Week to finalise my revelations and resolutions.
Contemplative mode
I have taken stock of the messages from the end of last year together with the messages I have received for the end of this work FY, together with statements I recall that have been brought to mind.
Sloth was the main reason I didn’t journal lately as I can’t constantly blame extra duties at work tiring me and not taking time out. I guess the messages just received at work were significant enough for me to write again.
Messages and learnings:
- Silence – Silent Night, silent retreat in 2019 from Calabria in December
- Pause, reflect, take action – Julian Taylor
- Contemplative mode in my daily working role – Stephen Baker
- Sit for awhile on emails before responding – client request for hosted visit
- Think to speak, rather than speak to think – many occasions – even on email take out the thinking process and direct my message for benefit of not causing others confusion
- (Direct) Jotting down a point so do not forget my message or train of thought whilst listening
- Re-visiting authentic conversation and listening notes & related
- Properly looking into modifying current format of prayer life for prayerful meditation this season
- Why it is easy to go into the mode in a retreat setting but really difficult in daily living
- Self awareness increased significantly when I encounter people similar to me with even higher frequency that I find I cannot engage with
- Truncate my sentences!
- I am still very noisy & distracted within!
I am feeling blessings of affirmation of self development with all these messages and learnings to work on both in my spiritual and working life. I continue to aspire to inspire, grow, evangelise, improve and eventually be able to lead and develop others by living it out with love – act justly, walk humbly and love mercy.
Open our lips, & we shall proclaim your praise
Psalm 118(119):165,168,171-172,174-17
There I was suddenly singing in my head the beginning intro of the morning prayer (last sung last year) and they were the words in the psalm today!
Then it struck me there were a couple of other God-incidences recently but I could not recall them. Reminds me to journal at once when these happen! There have been a some pleasant sprinkles of blessings lately … Fr Richard Ambrose & other occurrences!
The season
Pray double
is what she said. Perhaps it is the season for me to pray double. Double what. Double the time, double the intensity, praying the same prayers twice? It only dawns on me when I write, as I’ve to think more!
Blessed to come across instantly digestible liturgy of the hours below today 🙌
Blessed perseverance
08 FEBRUARY, 2019, Friday, 4th Week, Ordinary Time
SCRIPTURE READINGS: [HEB 13:1-8; PS 27:1,3,5,8-9; MARK 6:14-29 ]
As leaders particularly, we are often pressured to take a position, make a statement or execute a decision on matters pertaining to our organization. Some decisions are difficult because often they have to be made quickly and decisively. When time is not on our side and there is coercion all round, it is difficult for leaders to remain cool, detached and sober in their decision-making. This was the case for King Herod in today’s gospel. Even as individuals, making a conscientious decision is fraught with struggles and dilemma, especially when it involves a moral issue. We do not know whether we should report to the authorities or just pretend that we are not aware. Yet our conscience strikes us and we feel uneasy both ways. To blow the whistle might cause us our livelihood. Not to do so means that we are allowing evil and injustice to triumph.
What are the pressures that impact us when making decisions? Firstly, pressure can come from morality. When a decision concerns a question of justice and right and propriety, we feel pressured to take a stand. Such issues could include human rights, right relationships towards our fellowmen, the dignity of life from birth to death. Herod was faced with the moral issue of taking his brother, Philip’s wife. John the Baptist reprimanded him, saying, “It is against the law for you to have your brother’s wife.” Herod knew it was morally not the right thing to do but he succumbed under temptation. So moral pressure would affect the way we make a decision. Our conscience will prick us and unsettle us.
Secondly, pressure can come from the dimension of faith. This was particularly so for Herod, because in his conscience he knew that John the Baptist was speaking the truth which comes from God. “Herod was afraid of John, knowing him to be a good and holy man, and gave him his protection. When he had heard him speak he was greatly perplexed, and yet he liked to listen to him.” Herod knew that he was disobeying the commandments of the Lord. Indeed, many of us in truth know the right thing to do but we lack the will and we lack courage to do the right thing. We postpone, hoping that the situation will pass us by. We do not want to confront the pain either in ceasing the wrongs we are doing or in making decisions that will affect our interests. Yet, in making judgment, whether we like it or not, our faith will determine the values we have and the way we look at moral issues. This explains why some cannot accept our interpretation of moral laws, whether with regard to abortion, euthanasia, human embryos, same sex union, divorce, etc when they are grounded on nature enlightened by faith.
Thirdly, pressure can come from politics and power. At times, we succumb to pressure from political powers, fearing we could be discriminated or penalized. This political pressure need not necessarily come from the political authorities but from the common good of the people. As a minority in a secular country, we need to respect that the laws formulated must express the will of the people. Laws enacted must be wise, just and for the good of all. It does not favour one religion over another, but they are for the promotion of justice and equality. So in making decisions, a leader must also consider the larger dimension of society as a whole, and not just from his limited responsibility to his organization, since we are inter-dependent and inter-connected. In the case of Herod, he was motivated by the wrong use of political powers. He was more concerned about what his officials would think of him if he did not carry out his promise to keep his word to his daughter. “The girl hurried straight back to the king and made her request, ‘I want you to give me John the Baptist’s head, here and now on a dish.’ The king was deeply distressed but, thinking of the oaths that he had sworn and of his guests, he was reluctant to break his word to her.” Going against his conscience, although there was no necessity to fulfill an immoral wish of his daughter, he agreed to do the wrong thing to show off his power,.
Fourthly, another source of pressure comes from society. Today with mass digital technology, internet and social media, news, especially fake and distorted news, spread quickly. Pressure is being built up whether a leader speaks or not. If he keeps silent, he would be accused of cowardice and not protecting the members of the organization or the people that he serves. If he does speak, those who disagree with him will react strongly, not just expressing disagreement but even hate and insults. Either way, the leader is being pressured. Today, people use social media to influence the minds and hearts of others and win them over. With relativism, the truth is hardly heard but only the popular voice which is spread through half-truths and lies. People champion a cause not for the good of others but to protect their vested interests, which are sometimes at variance with the good of society. Herod too wanted to save his pride and show off his generosity and power, but he was pressured to make an offer he could not fulfill. In his conceitedness, he promised Herodias’ daughter, “‘Ask me anything you like and I will give it you.’ And he swore her an oath, ‘I will give you anything you ask, even half my kingdom.’”
Fifthly, pressure often comes from our loved ones. This is perhaps the most difficult to resist because we love them and are afraid to lose their love or we have no heart to say “no” to their request. Again, this was the case of Herod. He was pressurized from all corners. He was forced to behead John the Baptist against his wish even though Herodias, who was humiliated by him, was vindictive towards him. She wanted to silence John the Baptist completely so that she would no longer have to be reminded of her sin and guilt and be shamed publicly by him. For a long time, Herod was passive. To appease Herodias, he had “John arrested, and had him chained up in prison…” But that was not enough to pacify her. She was so revengeful and would want nothing but the head of John the Baptist which she did eventually get by manipulating and putting pressure on her daughter to ask for his head after she performed a beautiful dance before Herod.
The truth is that when we do not decide rightly, justly and courageously, our reticence, our mistakes and our cowardice will come back to haunt us for failing in our responsibility. This was how Herod felt. It was a decision that he deeply regretted when he made the offer to Herodias’ daughter which led to the execution of John the Baptist. So much so, he lived in constant guilt throughout his life, never able to forgive himself for killing a man of God whom he knew so well. This was the reason why he was haunted by nightmares about John the Baptist coming back to life. Indeed, “King Herod had heard about Jesus, since by now his name was well-known. Some were saying, ‘John the Baptist has risen from the dead, and that is why miraculous powers are at work in him.’ Others said, ‘He is Elijah;’ others again, ‘he is a prophet, like the prophets we used to have.’ But when Herod heard this he said, ‘It is John whose head I cut off; he has risen from the dead.’” The price of being pressured into silence, or speaking or acting foolishly will cause us greater distress, loss of credibility, and result in more harm to those people under our charge.
In the first reading, Christians were told to be calm in the face of persecution. As Christians we must hold on to our faith in good times and in bad times. We must abide by our Christian principles regardless of the outcome. This is what the author of Hebrews asked of us. He reminded us, “Jesus Christ is the same as he was yesterday and as he will be for ever.” Instead of succumbing to external pressures we must respond with personal conviction from the values of the gospel. Some of these fundamental principles would include, love for our brothers and sisters, including strangers, “for by doing this, some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Whatever we do must be done out of pure love for all regardless of who they are. Secondly, we must empathize with those who are suffering. As in the case of the early Christians, they were told to “keep in mind those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; and those who are being badly treated, since you too are in the one body.” Thirdly, we must protect marriage and family life because this is critical to the survival of society. “Marriage is to be honoured by all, and marriages are to be kept undefiled, because fornicators and adulterers will come under God’s judgement.”
In the final analysis, we are called to put our faith in God’s providence and love. The psalmist assures us that God is our light and strength. “The Lord is my light and my help; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; before whom shall I shrink? Though an army encamp against me my heart would not fear. Though war break out against me even then would I trust. For there he keeps me safe in his tent in the day of evil. He hides me in the shelter of his tent, on a rock he sets me safe.” Let us surrender our lives to Him knowing that He will look after us. “Put greed out of your lives and be content with whatever you have; God himself has said: I will not fail you or desert you, and so we can say with confidence: With the Lord to help me, I fear nothing: what can man do to me?”
Lastly, to find strength and courage, the author invites us to “Remember your leaders, who preached the word of God to you, and as you reflect on the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith.” Our faith will remain strong when we think of our Lord, the prophets who died for truth and justice, the martyrs who died for their faith in Christ, and the many holy men and women who had served God and humanity. Remembering the good and saintly people will give us strength and courage to follow their example in being true to the gospel, resisting the negative pressures that come from the Evil Spirit, the Flesh and the World.